The Three Musketeers: Milady

Part Two of the French Three Musketeers, really forget the Three Musketeers — for this is all Eva Green’s film. As Milady, she scorches everyone else off the screen, being cunning, evil, resourceful and sympathetic. (All at the same time).

Returning with swagger and gusto (and extra mud), we pick up where we left off with the treacherous Milady (Eva Green) apparently dispatched, the King (Louis Garrel) and Queen (Vicky Krieps) in love, the Duke of Buckingham/ Duc de Buckingham (Jacob Fortune-Lloyd) safely back in England, the Queen’s diamonds safely back in France — and Constance Bonacieux (Lyna Khoudri) kidnapped after overhearing a dastardly plot in the palace.

As well as Constance missing, all is not well in the kingdom of France. Evil Protestants, aided and abetted by the eviler English, are trying to start a republic in La Rochelle. The Musketeers must thwart everyone! (including the Cardinal and the King’s brother).

But first D’Artagnan (François Civil) must rescue…Milady. (For in the throes of his trying to find Constance and thwarting everyone), he’s ended up in the same prison as the infamous one. In a nice scene, Milady (as a time-filler and to get the information she needs, attempts to seduce D’Artagnan); he says ‘no’ in a great scene of consent. However, writers forget about this later and have him give in. For a moment, it was good to see something different! Milady isn’t offended, she just steals horses and information, and dumps D’Artagnan in it later on. In full one action adventure, Eva Green wields swords and knives, rides horses furiously and curls her lip, as well as being pitiable when it looks like D’Artagnan won’t rescue her and will instead shoot the baddies, run and leave her rotting in chains. Cue double and triple crossing…and a terrific run across rooftops.

Surviving Milady’s advances and stratagems, as well as being bopped on the head by the annoyed prison/prisoner defenders, D’Artagnan gets the information he wants, (but not the woman), and gallops furiously back. All the Musketeers end up in the column march to La Rochelle to defeat the rebellious Protestants (somehow). They end up in a Western-tinged fight against the insubordinate réformé. Meanwhile, Constance has been located by the Cardinal (of all people!) restored to the Queen, who then keeps her safe due to what she knows and has seen.

At this point I start to feel conflicted. As an English Protestant, I can’t help but feel it when they try to crush the republican Protestants and fire on the English provision ships. Perhaps Milady has a point…

Meantime, Athos (Vincent Cassel) has spotted a secret meeting taking place in the woods. In a slight disguise he reveals…his not dead dead wife, who is still galloping about being nefarious. Even whilst plotting, Eva Green’s Milady makes us feel compassion for her.

The Musketeers rescue drowning Protestants, Milady goes to England to take down the Duke of Buckingham/Du de Buckingham (again) and is eventually captured — where she ends up in prison once more, confronted by Constance, and then in a burning barn fighting D’Artagnan and for her life. (As well as losing her hair and any sense of which fashion century she’s in). Who will get out alive? Who will live to fight another day? Will they ever manage to hang Milady? Well, you can guess… (And there’s a comedy sub-plot about Aramis’s (Romain Duris) niece, Mathilde (Camille Rutherford), a pregnant nun too)…

Best of all, we meet Louis Anniaba, the prince of Assinie (Hannibal), France’s first black musketeer and godson to the King, complete with imposingly rearing steed. Ralph Amoussou was terrific in this role, loyally protecting le Capitaine de Tréville (Marc Barbé) and unleashing hell (in the form of cannons) against the scurvy incoming English fleet. I hope he gets his own spin-off as he was extremely dashing.

Unlike the other Musketeers, who while fighting gutsily, were even more muddy than last time. The film was let down by the main characters costumes and styling. Whilst the King and to an extent, the Queen, have appropriate historic costumes and hair, the Musketeers themselves are all over the shop. Athos still looks like he comes from the 18th century. Worse still, everyone is so dirty, their linen is filthy. Even the tents are rancid shades of brown. The extras and legal teams are much better turned out (and clean!) than the main stars, who just about keep some lank and tatty feathers in their hats. The only one who seems to have access to the laundry is Milady, whose shirt is pristine — although she’s lost her shift from under her armour-like corset. Given how lavishly men peacocked in this period and how good the clothes were for men with money in this era (and how much clothes conveyed status), to cover everyone in mud does them a disservice and plays to stereotypes. The Protestants holed up in the fort at La Rochelle have better period clothes and a fantastic array of facial hair and beards. No wonder they’re rebelling — they want to be free of muddy fashions and the unwashed! Who will free us from this perfidious mud?

The action scenes were much more fun — and less muddy. Although I wish there had been more actual sword fighting scenes — sometimes the shots are edited so fast, that blink and you miss something. More time has been given to squelchy stabbing and explosions, and less to the rapier ripostes. (Nor do they say the phrase).

However, inspite of the mud and the fast swashing and buckling, there is much to enjoy here. Eva Green plays Milady fiercely and with a wide range of emotions, Louis Garrel really comes into his own here as the King and Vicky Krieps is noble for the short time she’s on screen as Queen Anne. The king’s brother was fun as a fashion forward schemer, unmasked by the wonderfully dressed legal team at the end. I love it when the cast gallop furiously across the countryside and there’s a lot of humour here. Porthos (Pio Marmaï) was underwritten and annoying, but thankfully not in it very much, as the focus was on detective D’Artagnan. Tous pour un, un pour tous!

More about the newest Musketeer here — Assinie-Mafia — Wikipedia